Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Neo-Colonialism
By Grease-Bar
The nation welcomes another year of independence, another year of camaraderie, another year of sovereignty. The question remains, are we really independent? What does it mean to be independent?
The British may have left our soil 47 years ago leaving but they left behind a colonial guided government and thinking. And after 47 years, we still have not freed the ghost in the shell. The development of the nation moved from colonial imposition to western replication. We are trying to morph into something we are not.
...the greatest challenge that has surreptitiously arisen in our age is the challenge of knowledge, indeed, not as against ignorance; but as knowledge conceived and disseminated throughout the world by Western civilization; knowledge whose nature has become problematic...; knowledge which pretends to be real..., which elevated doubt and conjecture to the 'scientific rank'...(Al-attas, 1978)
I have personally have been affected by this apartheid. Try entering any nightspots in the city and order a non-alcoholic drink. Note the treatment that you will receive. You will perceive a pair of wretched eyes stark staring mad at you, questioning your very own sanity in the choice. Once I was asked why I enter these places if I don’t plan to drink, and then I ask, why bother having non-alcoholic drink on the menu if you don’t plan to serve. Even if they decided to serve, you can discern the difference of service.
Restaurateurs on the other hand choose to discriminate against you based on your origin. Some well known establishment had imposed a dress code upon us but this somehow does not seem to be applying to Westerners. People have been denied entry to some of the establishment in the city due to non-adherence of this invisible dress code. People were also denied tables with a better view citing the reason of being reserved. But this reserve status can be invoked if the requesters were Westerners. When questioned, they don’t even bother to address your vexation. Such arrogance which was seen during the colonial period now resurfaces.
The phenomenon not only rattled our social structure, now infiltrating our work. The influx Western consultants, knowledge workers and whoever has made us oppugn our own intelligence. We suddenly lose the ability to be judicious, critical towards their word. We display such helplessness, vulnerability, and impuissance at the very sight of a Westerner. Every word out of their mouth is like a commandment from God. It has reached to a state where this state of deity is demanded upon and any form if resistance is slivered and splintered.
It is such a piteous state to see people worshipping Westerners thus the emergence of Sarung Party Girls (SPG) and other unclassified social groups. In the working class, just hire any "mat salleh" for your company, I guarantee you can secure any project that your company wants. We are constantly dazzled by their presence or thought.
We are repeating the errors Meiji made during 1868 – 1912. But Meiji realized his mistakes when he was short changed by them. Are we going to wait to be short changed? The overhasty celebration of independence may masks the march of neo-colonialism in the guise of modernization and development in an age of industrial globalization. Paradoxically our mindset is still under the control of colonization.
The nation welcomes another year of independence, another year of camaraderie, another year of sovereignty. The question remains, are we really independent? What does it mean to be independent?
The British may have left our soil 47 years ago leaving but they left behind a colonial guided government and thinking. And after 47 years, we still have not freed the ghost in the shell. The development of the nation moved from colonial imposition to western replication. We are trying to morph into something we are not.
...the greatest challenge that has surreptitiously arisen in our age is the challenge of knowledge, indeed, not as against ignorance; but as knowledge conceived and disseminated throughout the world by Western civilization; knowledge whose nature has become problematic...; knowledge which pretends to be real..., which elevated doubt and conjecture to the 'scientific rank'...(Al-attas, 1978)
I have personally have been affected by this apartheid. Try entering any nightspots in the city and order a non-alcoholic drink. Note the treatment that you will receive. You will perceive a pair of wretched eyes stark staring mad at you, questioning your very own sanity in the choice. Once I was asked why I enter these places if I don’t plan to drink, and then I ask, why bother having non-alcoholic drink on the menu if you don’t plan to serve. Even if they decided to serve, you can discern the difference of service.
Restaurateurs on the other hand choose to discriminate against you based on your origin. Some well known establishment had imposed a dress code upon us but this somehow does not seem to be applying to Westerners. People have been denied entry to some of the establishment in the city due to non-adherence of this invisible dress code. People were also denied tables with a better view citing the reason of being reserved. But this reserve status can be invoked if the requesters were Westerners. When questioned, they don’t even bother to address your vexation. Such arrogance which was seen during the colonial period now resurfaces.
The phenomenon not only rattled our social structure, now infiltrating our work. The influx Western consultants, knowledge workers and whoever has made us oppugn our own intelligence. We suddenly lose the ability to be judicious, critical towards their word. We display such helplessness, vulnerability, and impuissance at the very sight of a Westerner. Every word out of their mouth is like a commandment from God. It has reached to a state where this state of deity is demanded upon and any form if resistance is slivered and splintered.
It is such a piteous state to see people worshipping Westerners thus the emergence of Sarung Party Girls (SPG) and other unclassified social groups. In the working class, just hire any "mat salleh" for your company, I guarantee you can secure any project that your company wants. We are constantly dazzled by their presence or thought.
We are repeating the errors Meiji made during 1868 – 1912. But Meiji realized his mistakes when he was short changed by them. Are we going to wait to be short changed? The overhasty celebration of independence may masks the march of neo-colonialism in the guise of modernization and development in an age of industrial globalization. Paradoxically our mindset is still under the control of colonization.
Monday, August 23, 2004
Sex And The City, or, Melayu Mudah Lupa
By: Zaim Al-Amin
As a kampung boy like any other, the topic of sex has never been in any breakfast table talk in my conservative family. It’s considered taboo. No one would be surprised if this innocent kampung boy would someday ask his mother to eat more so that she could get another baby, thinking pregnancy is, after all, a result of over-eating.
Ah, the bliss of ignorance.
Parenting during that time was a strict, regimental exercise that sometimes can even put Hitler to shame. Televisions are locked most of the time (yes, they did have built-in locks). Even telephone sets have padlocks, with Dad (or, more realistically, Ayah, Abah or Bapa) having the only key. So kids were, in every way, protected against the `evil outside world’.
But I was not to be deceived for long, and some self-made discoveries later, I was all the more wiser. Which, with the benefit of hindsight, was a feat in itself, considering the absence of the internet and Astro back then. And, yes, the court cases.
Kids nowadays are luckier (or unfortunate, depending on how you look at it) when it comes to sex education. While education in itself carries a positive connotation (even when coupled with sex), there’s always the possibility of abuse of knowledge. Not unlike knowledge of atoms; you could produce limitless energy out of it, or you could choose to produce bombs.
The internet made a forceful presence here sometime in the late eighties, offering limitless information at the fingertips. Of course, after typing a few boring URLs, one would soon be tempted to be a little bit more adventurous. It won’t take long before pornographic sites are found and downloaded. Thus is born another sex seeker internet geek who, in normal life, would not even know where to get a copy of Playboy or Penthouse.
Before long still, the satisfaction of feasting one’s eyes on photos and short films would wane. Some action needs to be done, and somebody introduced a more exciting way to while away time over the internet. Enter the chat rooms.
Originally known as IRC (internet relay chat), these chat rooms sprouted, bearing different names and websites, each suggesting what they have in store. It could be Teen, Veteran, Mischievous or Married But Still Cheeky. They are basically websites where one can assume a nickname, find another partner by nickname, then type in messages via his computer which will be relayed and displayed in real time on the other person’s computer.
It became quite a craze. Soon lots of people were chatting; irrespective of age, race, sex and location. In a way it was good; it opened up venues for friendship between people whom may not lift an eyebrow should they have met casually on a street. But on the internet, they become best friends, buddies, soulmates etc. And more often than not, they also happen to be someone else’s husband. Or wife. And more often than not, what began as a harmless, platonic relationship turns out to be otherwise.
Then came Astro, a subscriber television network that offers round the clock entertainment via satellite, providing programmes that made a mockery of the National Censorship Board. One would still remember how, just a few years down the line, some artists were blacklisted just because they sported long hairs which was, at that time, regarded as having a bad influence on kids. How far have we gone since.
As if all that were not enough, we were later bombarded with lucid details of sexual misconducts via court reporting by the newspapers. Details that made even seasoned husbands blush. Oral sex, anal sex, fetish sex, bondage and what have you. One of my friends once mentioned to me that he was beginning to wonder whether it’s those details that were outrageous, or it’s the sex in his marriage that was lacking. He later proudly confided to me that he has since 'deviated' from his otherwise 'normal missionary position', and I begged him not to tell what he meant by that.
Suddenly Malays have become so modern. We are now the race who work hard, fly up the corporate ladder, get paid high salaries and have a fair share of after office unwinds like spas, pubs, night clubs. And girls.
And so accommodating is our attitude that we allow positive connotations to be attached to them in place of what used to be 'dirty words'. Something like Pusat Istirehat or Pusat Kesihatan instead of massage parlours. And nowadays nobody go to discos or cabarets anymore. They just go 'clubbing'. And we no longer have agogo dancers to entertain us anymore. Now we just have some boring sounding officers like those Guest Relations Officers (GRO). Or for the expatriates, Sarung Party Girls (SPG).
So what does an open minded modern Malay parent do in the midst of all this? I’ve got four kids to look after; two boys and two girls, and already they are way beyond me when I was their age in terms of knowledge. How do I shield them from the notorious outside world that now and again rears its ugly head, either through the internet, media or from seemingly innocent but equally corrupted peers?
The next time the kids pop up questions that we think they shouldn’t have asked, should we look at them in disbelief, in total resignation, and painstakingly tell them what they really should not know, or hush them up with the false hope that it would eventually get out of their minds? I dread that frown on my eldest daughter’s face which I know would be accompanied by a sparkle in her eyes, meaning that she’s about to ask another 'brilliant' question.
Now, as I look up from the dark rows of parking lots underneath my condo unit and gaze at the brightly lit Kuala Lumpur city skyline in the distance, it suddenly dawns on me that the phrase 'Sex And The City' brings a whole new meaning…
As a kampung boy like any other, the topic of sex has never been in any breakfast table talk in my conservative family. It’s considered taboo. No one would be surprised if this innocent kampung boy would someday ask his mother to eat more so that she could get another baby, thinking pregnancy is, after all, a result of over-eating.
Ah, the bliss of ignorance.
Parenting during that time was a strict, regimental exercise that sometimes can even put Hitler to shame. Televisions are locked most of the time (yes, they did have built-in locks). Even telephone sets have padlocks, with Dad (or, more realistically, Ayah, Abah or Bapa) having the only key. So kids were, in every way, protected against the `evil outside world’.
But I was not to be deceived for long, and some self-made discoveries later, I was all the more wiser. Which, with the benefit of hindsight, was a feat in itself, considering the absence of the internet and Astro back then. And, yes, the court cases.
Kids nowadays are luckier (or unfortunate, depending on how you look at it) when it comes to sex education. While education in itself carries a positive connotation (even when coupled with sex), there’s always the possibility of abuse of knowledge. Not unlike knowledge of atoms; you could produce limitless energy out of it, or you could choose to produce bombs.
The internet made a forceful presence here sometime in the late eighties, offering limitless information at the fingertips. Of course, after typing a few boring URLs, one would soon be tempted to be a little bit more adventurous. It won’t take long before pornographic sites are found and downloaded. Thus is born another sex seeker internet geek who, in normal life, would not even know where to get a copy of Playboy or Penthouse.
Before long still, the satisfaction of feasting one’s eyes on photos and short films would wane. Some action needs to be done, and somebody introduced a more exciting way to while away time over the internet. Enter the chat rooms.
Originally known as IRC (internet relay chat), these chat rooms sprouted, bearing different names and websites, each suggesting what they have in store. It could be Teen, Veteran, Mischievous or Married But Still Cheeky. They are basically websites where one can assume a nickname, find another partner by nickname, then type in messages via his computer which will be relayed and displayed in real time on the other person’s computer.
It became quite a craze. Soon lots of people were chatting; irrespective of age, race, sex and location. In a way it was good; it opened up venues for friendship between people whom may not lift an eyebrow should they have met casually on a street. But on the internet, they become best friends, buddies, soulmates etc. And more often than not, they also happen to be someone else’s husband. Or wife. And more often than not, what began as a harmless, platonic relationship turns out to be otherwise.
Then came Astro, a subscriber television network that offers round the clock entertainment via satellite, providing programmes that made a mockery of the National Censorship Board. One would still remember how, just a few years down the line, some artists were blacklisted just because they sported long hairs which was, at that time, regarded as having a bad influence on kids. How far have we gone since.
As if all that were not enough, we were later bombarded with lucid details of sexual misconducts via court reporting by the newspapers. Details that made even seasoned husbands blush. Oral sex, anal sex, fetish sex, bondage and what have you. One of my friends once mentioned to me that he was beginning to wonder whether it’s those details that were outrageous, or it’s the sex in his marriage that was lacking. He later proudly confided to me that he has since 'deviated' from his otherwise 'normal missionary position', and I begged him not to tell what he meant by that.
Suddenly Malays have become so modern. We are now the race who work hard, fly up the corporate ladder, get paid high salaries and have a fair share of after office unwinds like spas, pubs, night clubs. And girls.
And so accommodating is our attitude that we allow positive connotations to be attached to them in place of what used to be 'dirty words'. Something like Pusat Istirehat or Pusat Kesihatan instead of massage parlours. And nowadays nobody go to discos or cabarets anymore. They just go 'clubbing'. And we no longer have agogo dancers to entertain us anymore. Now we just have some boring sounding officers like those Guest Relations Officers (GRO). Or for the expatriates, Sarung Party Girls (SPG).
So what does an open minded modern Malay parent do in the midst of all this? I’ve got four kids to look after; two boys and two girls, and already they are way beyond me when I was their age in terms of knowledge. How do I shield them from the notorious outside world that now and again rears its ugly head, either through the internet, media or from seemingly innocent but equally corrupted peers?
The next time the kids pop up questions that we think they shouldn’t have asked, should we look at them in disbelief, in total resignation, and painstakingly tell them what they really should not know, or hush them up with the false hope that it would eventually get out of their minds? I dread that frown on my eldest daughter’s face which I know would be accompanied by a sparkle in her eyes, meaning that she’s about to ask another 'brilliant' question.
Now, as I look up from the dark rows of parking lots underneath my condo unit and gaze at the brightly lit Kuala Lumpur city skyline in the distance, it suddenly dawns on me that the phrase 'Sex And The City' brings a whole new meaning…
A Malaysian Rant
By: Mat Golek
If you ever wonder what National Service, Religious Freedom, Pos Laju, Astro, and the Federal Highway really mean to Malaysians - well, at least to one Malaysian - then look no further. Rants on uniquely Malaysian features.
National Service - where loyal and disloyal Malaysians are transported to in order to be socially programmed to be fairly more useful social creatures. It started with the possibility of weapon-trained Malaysians, in triple figures to the ones in Singapore, but now has become a three month pow-wow for school leavers before they start their matriculation or form six. Initial results from the camps have been poor. Some of the instructors have even beaten up the happy campers, just so they will know who is in charge of the training. And there is a bevy of beauties for the trainers to date when they feel bored.
The Malaysian Football Team - Which one? Olympic or national? But since there is only the SEA games where we compete as somewhat equals, there is only a nominal senior team. There are no theories in the national football league since most of the players playing in it probably would not know how to spell “Theory” let alone understand it. The President of FAM however would like to argue he will set it right. Since he has been in charge for more than twenty years, he is best equipped to rectify the errors since most of them began while he was in charge. The whole know the bug before you kill the bug, is wholly true, he argues feverishly. He has been the only one constantly present throughout all these failures, he knows it best.
Religious Freedom - Well, that is a completely erroneous topic, so the Minister says. Of course there is complete and unadulterated freedom when it comes to religion, up to a point. I mean anything that is too much cannot be a good thing. That does not explain anything, however the Minister indicated again and he would like people to remember, it is not his job to give answers that make people happy; he just answers to particular people and does the job that is asked of him. But Mr Minister, we just want to know how much freedom is there? No, No, No, this sort of confrontational discourse helps no one and it is typical, he insists, of recalcitrant forces like us liberals to ask for things that he surely would be crucified to address.
Africans in Chow Kit - They have a whole continent and they have to come over here, why is that? Arguments that Polynesians a long time ago also traversed the Pacific to get here is a non-issue, stick to the crucial pieces, or at least pretend to. We did have that police operation two years ago to rid them, and maybe another one should be due. How about treating them as people and letting them adjust to life here in Malaysia, to help them become useful citizens? Not likely, not likely at all. There is too much political cost, and remember we are in Malaysia, we just do not rock the boat! You just quietly sit in the boat and be very very happy that there is a boat for people like you.
Pos Laju - Just because it is the post, and the word speed is attached to it, does not mean the letters actually have to get to you in time. Neither is the trouble caused by the postmen who ask you to drive to their office on a workday to collect the document because you were not home on a workday. All of us can learn much introspection from this shoddy service. The document is urgent, but it is not the fault of Pos Malaysia that the people receiving it are too busy making a living for themselves elsewhere, to be at home waiting exclusively for the mail. Neither is it of any real concern if there are emotional and financial costs because the documents are retrieved days after they were useful.
Tenaga Nasional - The people who will give you black-outs when it is inconvenient and think it is insensitive of the tenant in a dark house on a Wednesday night to seek an official explanation from the national monopoly. Thank god for those well-lit spots all around the city at night - the tourists must like them a lot. I wonder if the chairman of the company, who is from Sarawak, is interested in the plight of the simpletons here in Selangor wanting some communication from the people who are very prompt in collecting the charges monthly.
Astro (MEASAT) - It is with due diligence the keepers of another monopoly declared an increase to the cost of subscription - it seems programming is expensive. And telling us this is only the first increase since 2002 is neither here nor there. Can we have another provider? Residents in neighbouring countries pay less for satellite TV, and since the cost is for the shows that ASTRO produces on its own, it can either cut them down, or break the cost up more - let viewers who do not want local content produced at a premium by Astro pay differently. Following the Astro rationale, pay for what you get, I do not need to pay for Astro Ria, when all I want is HBO and the BBC. I can live on the free local channels alone for the local content. Astro, we are not going to be suckers forever, remember the Bastille?
Chat sites - the only thing most Malaysians are using on the internet, in addition to some free email sites. This is the new vision of technologically adapt and forward thinking Malaysians, Malaysia indeed Boleh! I bumped into this girl on the site, and she said that she was personally offended that there are people in Malaysia that are still harbouring high pretences about the English Language when chatting in Malay is the way to go. And there is also the matter of simplified language patterns that you would only understand if you are an ardent reader of Gila-Gila. She hopes to be a doctor, so luckily she has nothing against Latin. Not yet anyway.
The Federal Highway - It is a monument of how traffic can be made by us mere mortals if we put our minds to it, and there are many that do just that. It helps if there are accidents on the road; that way, you can look at the accidents and go, hey! Now we have a really valid reason to slow down and make the five thousand cars right behind us also suffer. Someone told me, that it is the great design that there should be traffic there all the time, if not all the support toll highways will not get business. Makes business sense but how about sods like me in the bleeding heat trying to get to business appointments?
Community Centres - What community centres? I have met so many senior citizens that are more than irked with the absence of real infrastructure for them to enjoy their latter years in their community centres that they like to say, perhaps we do not matter anymore! Of course they do. Just because the government of the day does little for them does not mean the rest of us do not care. We tend to feel really really bad when cinema gives us a story about the pain and suffering of the aged. For about two minutes we feel their pain and that should be enough, those old geezers better do it themselves, there are no free lunches right? But they have our sympathy. Definitely.
If you ever wonder what National Service, Religious Freedom, Pos Laju, Astro, and the Federal Highway really mean to Malaysians - well, at least to one Malaysian - then look no further. Rants on uniquely Malaysian features.
National Service - where loyal and disloyal Malaysians are transported to in order to be socially programmed to be fairly more useful social creatures. It started with the possibility of weapon-trained Malaysians, in triple figures to the ones in Singapore, but now has become a three month pow-wow for school leavers before they start their matriculation or form six. Initial results from the camps have been poor. Some of the instructors have even beaten up the happy campers, just so they will know who is in charge of the training. And there is a bevy of beauties for the trainers to date when they feel bored.
The Malaysian Football Team - Which one? Olympic or national? But since there is only the SEA games where we compete as somewhat equals, there is only a nominal senior team. There are no theories in the national football league since most of the players playing in it probably would not know how to spell “Theory” let alone understand it. The President of FAM however would like to argue he will set it right. Since he has been in charge for more than twenty years, he is best equipped to rectify the errors since most of them began while he was in charge. The whole know the bug before you kill the bug, is wholly true, he argues feverishly. He has been the only one constantly present throughout all these failures, he knows it best.
Religious Freedom - Well, that is a completely erroneous topic, so the Minister says. Of course there is complete and unadulterated freedom when it comes to religion, up to a point. I mean anything that is too much cannot be a good thing. That does not explain anything, however the Minister indicated again and he would like people to remember, it is not his job to give answers that make people happy; he just answers to particular people and does the job that is asked of him. But Mr Minister, we just want to know how much freedom is there? No, No, No, this sort of confrontational discourse helps no one and it is typical, he insists, of recalcitrant forces like us liberals to ask for things that he surely would be crucified to address.
Africans in Chow Kit - They have a whole continent and they have to come over here, why is that? Arguments that Polynesians a long time ago also traversed the Pacific to get here is a non-issue, stick to the crucial pieces, or at least pretend to. We did have that police operation two years ago to rid them, and maybe another one should be due. How about treating them as people and letting them adjust to life here in Malaysia, to help them become useful citizens? Not likely, not likely at all. There is too much political cost, and remember we are in Malaysia, we just do not rock the boat! You just quietly sit in the boat and be very very happy that there is a boat for people like you.
Pos Laju - Just because it is the post, and the word speed is attached to it, does not mean the letters actually have to get to you in time. Neither is the trouble caused by the postmen who ask you to drive to their office on a workday to collect the document because you were not home on a workday. All of us can learn much introspection from this shoddy service. The document is urgent, but it is not the fault of Pos Malaysia that the people receiving it are too busy making a living for themselves elsewhere, to be at home waiting exclusively for the mail. Neither is it of any real concern if there are emotional and financial costs because the documents are retrieved days after they were useful.
Tenaga Nasional - The people who will give you black-outs when it is inconvenient and think it is insensitive of the tenant in a dark house on a Wednesday night to seek an official explanation from the national monopoly. Thank god for those well-lit spots all around the city at night - the tourists must like them a lot. I wonder if the chairman of the company, who is from Sarawak, is interested in the plight of the simpletons here in Selangor wanting some communication from the people who are very prompt in collecting the charges monthly.
Astro (MEASAT) - It is with due diligence the keepers of another monopoly declared an increase to the cost of subscription - it seems programming is expensive. And telling us this is only the first increase since 2002 is neither here nor there. Can we have another provider? Residents in neighbouring countries pay less for satellite TV, and since the cost is for the shows that ASTRO produces on its own, it can either cut them down, or break the cost up more - let viewers who do not want local content produced at a premium by Astro pay differently. Following the Astro rationale, pay for what you get, I do not need to pay for Astro Ria, when all I want is HBO and the BBC. I can live on the free local channels alone for the local content. Astro, we are not going to be suckers forever, remember the Bastille?
Chat sites - the only thing most Malaysians are using on the internet, in addition to some free email sites. This is the new vision of technologically adapt and forward thinking Malaysians, Malaysia indeed Boleh! I bumped into this girl on the site, and she said that she was personally offended that there are people in Malaysia that are still harbouring high pretences about the English Language when chatting in Malay is the way to go. And there is also the matter of simplified language patterns that you would only understand if you are an ardent reader of Gila-Gila. She hopes to be a doctor, so luckily she has nothing against Latin. Not yet anyway.
The Federal Highway - It is a monument of how traffic can be made by us mere mortals if we put our minds to it, and there are many that do just that. It helps if there are accidents on the road; that way, you can look at the accidents and go, hey! Now we have a really valid reason to slow down and make the five thousand cars right behind us also suffer. Someone told me, that it is the great design that there should be traffic there all the time, if not all the support toll highways will not get business. Makes business sense but how about sods like me in the bleeding heat trying to get to business appointments?
Community Centres - What community centres? I have met so many senior citizens that are more than irked with the absence of real infrastructure for them to enjoy their latter years in their community centres that they like to say, perhaps we do not matter anymore! Of course they do. Just because the government of the day does little for them does not mean the rest of us do not care. We tend to feel really really bad when cinema gives us a story about the pain and suffering of the aged. For about two minutes we feel their pain and that should be enough, those old geezers better do it themselves, there are no free lunches right? But they have our sympathy. Definitely.
Malaysiana
As we countdown to the National Day, most of my post will be things related to Malaysia. If you have any pieces that you would like to publish, let me know, I shall link from here.
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Being Twenty-Something
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get hot and scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you are.
You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.
You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all. You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure.
You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you cry and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. The stupid ones plateau, the smart ones rise.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.
You wonder what in the hell is wrong with you. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! We are making a lot of mistakes, but helping one another learn from them.
We will piss one another off, and laugh at the end of a conversation that started with angry words. We are a group that talks behind the backs of the same people we call to meet up with on a Friday night, but we are sorry about it and we know that we were just being insecure like they have been.
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it and we are all in this together. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. We are friends, and in 10 years we will be friends who have figured out where we fit in this world.
Anonymous
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you are.
You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.
You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all. You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure.
You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you cry and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. The stupid ones plateau, the smart ones rise.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.
You wonder what in the hell is wrong with you. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! We are making a lot of mistakes, but helping one another learn from them.
We will piss one another off, and laugh at the end of a conversation that started with angry words. We are a group that talks behind the backs of the same people we call to meet up with on a Friday night, but we are sorry about it and we know that we were just being insecure like they have been.
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it and we are all in this together. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. We are friends, and in 10 years we will be friends who have figured out where we fit in this world.
Anonymous
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
The One Time
The One Time I decided not to use Micorosft Word to pen before i publish, the stupid connection got timed-out and my post is gone. Will rewrite gain as the juice in my brain comes back.
Double Take
Few weeks back, I was privileged to witness the grandeur of Double Take.
Where's John Hammond when we need him?
Well, he's dead of course, but someone else needs to step up, to go out and discover musicians not currently on Hollywood's radar screen. It was Hammond who made a career as top talent man by driving around the country looking, listening actually for new music to bring to the public. In this manner, he found Benny Goodman and Billie Holiday, Count Basie and Stevie Ray Vaughn, Bob Dylan and Bruce Springsteen.
These days, the bushings are pretty well beat; be hard to find a band that's had the time to percolate and grow without being found by the major labels, but there's a load of talent elsewhere just waiting to be discovered by the public.
Roger Wang and Mia Palencia, for instance.
They hail from Sabah, Malaysia, although they spend much of their time performing in Kuala Lumpur these days.
And they are creating some of the very best jazz anywhere on the planet, both together as Double Take and Wang solo.
Look, we realize that John Hammond is dead, but someone out there must be smart enough to take a chance on Palencia and Wang, to sign them to a distribution deal, bring them stateside for a tour. Hollywood may like blaming online music piracy for its declining sales, but our guess is that if the music suits would offer the public more artists like these two and fewer Backstreet Boys, they might turn those declining sales around.
Where's John Hammond when we need him?
Well, he's dead of course, but someone else needs to step up, to go out and discover musicians not currently on Hollywood's radar screen. It was Hammond who made a career as top talent man by driving around the country looking, listening actually for new music to bring to the public. In this manner, he found Benny Goodman and Billie Holiday, Count Basie and Stevie Ray Vaughn, Bob Dylan and Bruce Springsteen.
These days, the bushings are pretty well beat; be hard to find a band that's had the time to percolate and grow without being found by the major labels, but there's a load of talent elsewhere just waiting to be discovered by the public.
Roger Wang and Mia Palencia, for instance.
They hail from Sabah, Malaysia, although they spend much of their time performing in Kuala Lumpur these days.
And they are creating some of the very best jazz anywhere on the planet, both together as Double Take and Wang solo.
Look, we realize that John Hammond is dead, but someone out there must be smart enough to take a chance on Palencia and Wang, to sign them to a distribution deal, bring them stateside for a tour. Hollywood may like blaming online music piracy for its declining sales, but our guess is that if the music suits would offer the public more artists like these two and fewer Backstreet Boys, they might turn those declining sales around.
Thursday, August 05, 2004
Apologies
I know I have not been updating my blog. I'm running out of hands at the moment. I promise will be back soon.