Monday, August 23, 2004
A Malaysian Rant
By: Mat Golek
If you ever wonder what National Service, Religious Freedom, Pos Laju, Astro, and the Federal Highway really mean to Malaysians - well, at least to one Malaysian - then look no further. Rants on uniquely Malaysian features.
National Service - where loyal and disloyal Malaysians are transported to in order to be socially programmed to be fairly more useful social creatures. It started with the possibility of weapon-trained Malaysians, in triple figures to the ones in Singapore, but now has become a three month pow-wow for school leavers before they start their matriculation or form six. Initial results from the camps have been poor. Some of the instructors have even beaten up the happy campers, just so they will know who is in charge of the training. And there is a bevy of beauties for the trainers to date when they feel bored.
The Malaysian Football Team - Which one? Olympic or national? But since there is only the SEA games where we compete as somewhat equals, there is only a nominal senior team. There are no theories in the national football league since most of the players playing in it probably would not know how to spell “Theory” let alone understand it. The President of FAM however would like to argue he will set it right. Since he has been in charge for more than twenty years, he is best equipped to rectify the errors since most of them began while he was in charge. The whole know the bug before you kill the bug, is wholly true, he argues feverishly. He has been the only one constantly present throughout all these failures, he knows it best.
Religious Freedom - Well, that is a completely erroneous topic, so the Minister says. Of course there is complete and unadulterated freedom when it comes to religion, up to a point. I mean anything that is too much cannot be a good thing. That does not explain anything, however the Minister indicated again and he would like people to remember, it is not his job to give answers that make people happy; he just answers to particular people and does the job that is asked of him. But Mr Minister, we just want to know how much freedom is there? No, No, No, this sort of confrontational discourse helps no one and it is typical, he insists, of recalcitrant forces like us liberals to ask for things that he surely would be crucified to address.
Africans in Chow Kit - They have a whole continent and they have to come over here, why is that? Arguments that Polynesians a long time ago also traversed the Pacific to get here is a non-issue, stick to the crucial pieces, or at least pretend to. We did have that police operation two years ago to rid them, and maybe another one should be due. How about treating them as people and letting them adjust to life here in Malaysia, to help them become useful citizens? Not likely, not likely at all. There is too much political cost, and remember we are in Malaysia, we just do not rock the boat! You just quietly sit in the boat and be very very happy that there is a boat for people like you.
Pos Laju - Just because it is the post, and the word speed is attached to it, does not mean the letters actually have to get to you in time. Neither is the trouble caused by the postmen who ask you to drive to their office on a workday to collect the document because you were not home on a workday. All of us can learn much introspection from this shoddy service. The document is urgent, but it is not the fault of Pos Malaysia that the people receiving it are too busy making a living for themselves elsewhere, to be at home waiting exclusively for the mail. Neither is it of any real concern if there are emotional and financial costs because the documents are retrieved days after they were useful.
Tenaga Nasional - The people who will give you black-outs when it is inconvenient and think it is insensitive of the tenant in a dark house on a Wednesday night to seek an official explanation from the national monopoly. Thank god for those well-lit spots all around the city at night - the tourists must like them a lot. I wonder if the chairman of the company, who is from Sarawak, is interested in the plight of the simpletons here in Selangor wanting some communication from the people who are very prompt in collecting the charges monthly.
Astro (MEASAT) - It is with due diligence the keepers of another monopoly declared an increase to the cost of subscription - it seems programming is expensive. And telling us this is only the first increase since 2002 is neither here nor there. Can we have another provider? Residents in neighbouring countries pay less for satellite TV, and since the cost is for the shows that ASTRO produces on its own, it can either cut them down, or break the cost up more - let viewers who do not want local content produced at a premium by Astro pay differently. Following the Astro rationale, pay for what you get, I do not need to pay for Astro Ria, when all I want is HBO and the BBC. I can live on the free local channels alone for the local content. Astro, we are not going to be suckers forever, remember the Bastille?
Chat sites - the only thing most Malaysians are using on the internet, in addition to some free email sites. This is the new vision of technologically adapt and forward thinking Malaysians, Malaysia indeed Boleh! I bumped into this girl on the site, and she said that she was personally offended that there are people in Malaysia that are still harbouring high pretences about the English Language when chatting in Malay is the way to go. And there is also the matter of simplified language patterns that you would only understand if you are an ardent reader of Gila-Gila. She hopes to be a doctor, so luckily she has nothing against Latin. Not yet anyway.
The Federal Highway - It is a monument of how traffic can be made by us mere mortals if we put our minds to it, and there are many that do just that. It helps if there are accidents on the road; that way, you can look at the accidents and go, hey! Now we have a really valid reason to slow down and make the five thousand cars right behind us also suffer. Someone told me, that it is the great design that there should be traffic there all the time, if not all the support toll highways will not get business. Makes business sense but how about sods like me in the bleeding heat trying to get to business appointments?
Community Centres - What community centres? I have met so many senior citizens that are more than irked with the absence of real infrastructure for them to enjoy their latter years in their community centres that they like to say, perhaps we do not matter anymore! Of course they do. Just because the government of the day does little for them does not mean the rest of us do not care. We tend to feel really really bad when cinema gives us a story about the pain and suffering of the aged. For about two minutes we feel their pain and that should be enough, those old geezers better do it themselves, there are no free lunches right? But they have our sympathy. Definitely.
If you ever wonder what National Service, Religious Freedom, Pos Laju, Astro, and the Federal Highway really mean to Malaysians - well, at least to one Malaysian - then look no further. Rants on uniquely Malaysian features.
National Service - where loyal and disloyal Malaysians are transported to in order to be socially programmed to be fairly more useful social creatures. It started with the possibility of weapon-trained Malaysians, in triple figures to the ones in Singapore, but now has become a three month pow-wow for school leavers before they start their matriculation or form six. Initial results from the camps have been poor. Some of the instructors have even beaten up the happy campers, just so they will know who is in charge of the training. And there is a bevy of beauties for the trainers to date when they feel bored.
The Malaysian Football Team - Which one? Olympic or national? But since there is only the SEA games where we compete as somewhat equals, there is only a nominal senior team. There are no theories in the national football league since most of the players playing in it probably would not know how to spell “Theory” let alone understand it. The President of FAM however would like to argue he will set it right. Since he has been in charge for more than twenty years, he is best equipped to rectify the errors since most of them began while he was in charge. The whole know the bug before you kill the bug, is wholly true, he argues feverishly. He has been the only one constantly present throughout all these failures, he knows it best.
Religious Freedom - Well, that is a completely erroneous topic, so the Minister says. Of course there is complete and unadulterated freedom when it comes to religion, up to a point. I mean anything that is too much cannot be a good thing. That does not explain anything, however the Minister indicated again and he would like people to remember, it is not his job to give answers that make people happy; he just answers to particular people and does the job that is asked of him. But Mr Minister, we just want to know how much freedom is there? No, No, No, this sort of confrontational discourse helps no one and it is typical, he insists, of recalcitrant forces like us liberals to ask for things that he surely would be crucified to address.
Africans in Chow Kit - They have a whole continent and they have to come over here, why is that? Arguments that Polynesians a long time ago also traversed the Pacific to get here is a non-issue, stick to the crucial pieces, or at least pretend to. We did have that police operation two years ago to rid them, and maybe another one should be due. How about treating them as people and letting them adjust to life here in Malaysia, to help them become useful citizens? Not likely, not likely at all. There is too much political cost, and remember we are in Malaysia, we just do not rock the boat! You just quietly sit in the boat and be very very happy that there is a boat for people like you.
Pos Laju - Just because it is the post, and the word speed is attached to it, does not mean the letters actually have to get to you in time. Neither is the trouble caused by the postmen who ask you to drive to their office on a workday to collect the document because you were not home on a workday. All of us can learn much introspection from this shoddy service. The document is urgent, but it is not the fault of Pos Malaysia that the people receiving it are too busy making a living for themselves elsewhere, to be at home waiting exclusively for the mail. Neither is it of any real concern if there are emotional and financial costs because the documents are retrieved days after they were useful.
Tenaga Nasional - The people who will give you black-outs when it is inconvenient and think it is insensitive of the tenant in a dark house on a Wednesday night to seek an official explanation from the national monopoly. Thank god for those well-lit spots all around the city at night - the tourists must like them a lot. I wonder if the chairman of the company, who is from Sarawak, is interested in the plight of the simpletons here in Selangor wanting some communication from the people who are very prompt in collecting the charges monthly.
Astro (MEASAT) - It is with due diligence the keepers of another monopoly declared an increase to the cost of subscription - it seems programming is expensive. And telling us this is only the first increase since 2002 is neither here nor there. Can we have another provider? Residents in neighbouring countries pay less for satellite TV, and since the cost is for the shows that ASTRO produces on its own, it can either cut them down, or break the cost up more - let viewers who do not want local content produced at a premium by Astro pay differently. Following the Astro rationale, pay for what you get, I do not need to pay for Astro Ria, when all I want is HBO and the BBC. I can live on the free local channels alone for the local content. Astro, we are not going to be suckers forever, remember the Bastille?
Chat sites - the only thing most Malaysians are using on the internet, in addition to some free email sites. This is the new vision of technologically adapt and forward thinking Malaysians, Malaysia indeed Boleh! I bumped into this girl on the site, and she said that she was personally offended that there are people in Malaysia that are still harbouring high pretences about the English Language when chatting in Malay is the way to go. And there is also the matter of simplified language patterns that you would only understand if you are an ardent reader of Gila-Gila. She hopes to be a doctor, so luckily she has nothing against Latin. Not yet anyway.
The Federal Highway - It is a monument of how traffic can be made by us mere mortals if we put our minds to it, and there are many that do just that. It helps if there are accidents on the road; that way, you can look at the accidents and go, hey! Now we have a really valid reason to slow down and make the five thousand cars right behind us also suffer. Someone told me, that it is the great design that there should be traffic there all the time, if not all the support toll highways will not get business. Makes business sense but how about sods like me in the bleeding heat trying to get to business appointments?
Community Centres - What community centres? I have met so many senior citizens that are more than irked with the absence of real infrastructure for them to enjoy their latter years in their community centres that they like to say, perhaps we do not matter anymore! Of course they do. Just because the government of the day does little for them does not mean the rest of us do not care. We tend to feel really really bad when cinema gives us a story about the pain and suffering of the aged. For about two minutes we feel their pain and that should be enough, those old geezers better do it themselves, there are no free lunches right? But they have our sympathy. Definitely.
BJ 10:56 AM